you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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