I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
