WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
