We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
