Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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