He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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