I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
