Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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