you thought your balls were fighting each other...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
