My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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