We won't sleep together?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
