Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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