She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
