I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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