Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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