His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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