i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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