Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
