the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
