I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
