sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
