Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
