I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
