I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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