i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
