So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
