Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
