His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
