i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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