i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
