So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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