So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
