Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
