well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
