I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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