He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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