sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
