this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
