im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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