I think i peed on brittanys purse
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
