I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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