The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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