I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
