I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
