I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
