first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
