I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
