There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
