piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
