I wanna passion pit in your ass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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