is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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