If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
