dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
