I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
