HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I died a long time ago.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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