We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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