yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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