He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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