And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
