I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
