I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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