your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I will be naked everywhere
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
