The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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