you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
