When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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