So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
