I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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