So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
