i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
