I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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